Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
