Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
