I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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