I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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