he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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