I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did i walk over a car last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
