did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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