he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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