I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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