that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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