He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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