I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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