can we get nightvision for the apartment?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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