vagina is talking i cant
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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