so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
