Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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