You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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