I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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