when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
