There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
