Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
