made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
