Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
