i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if only i could text you this smell
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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