Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
