I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
