Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
