Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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