it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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