Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
