it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
