He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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