You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
