Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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