i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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