You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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