I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
