i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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