I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
