its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
