i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
