I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
