This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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