singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
