Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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