Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
