My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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