pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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