Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
