At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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