Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
