even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
