Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
