I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
