It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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