Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
