I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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