at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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