her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
