Swine flu. Run for my life!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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