You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
