3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
