yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
