It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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