look no pants
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
