apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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