Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
