You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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