the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
