You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
