also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
